Just when you think that you are going to be ok and things are getting a LITTLE bit better, along comes something and knocks you back down again! I am just SO tired of this and feeling this way. I feel like I have no clue who I am anymore or what I am suppose to be doing. I am stressed and snapping at everyone!
About a month ago, I lost my job. I couldn't believe it. I got back from having a great lunch with my husband and our boys and my boss called me into the conference room. I felt like I was in front of a firing squad. I was 2 weeks away from my 90 days!! I got a bunch of hog-wash for execuses and then was told that since I was in my 90 day probation that they didn't really have to give me a reason! The job was really not a fulltime position because there wasn't enough to do and I guess they knew that too. I think that they wanted someone with some experience to come in and clean up and set up their HR processes and then bring in a less experienced person (much cheaper) to maintain. I also had gotten into it with the IT Manager (owner's son) about the music that was on the server for the employees to access. The music was very degoratory and inappropriate for the workplace.
So I cleaned out my office and went home to explain to my husband, yet again, that I lost me job. See back in September I was fired (for the first time in my HR Career) for telling someone that the company was not a good place to work....lame execuse I know. The owners (which are family) didn't like that I wouldn't do unethical things and that I was pushing them to change things that they didn't want to but were violating department of labor regulations. I was only allowed partial unemployment because the state ruled that my discharge was due to misconduct, so I was only eligible for uemployment benefits for 6 months.
I am the breadwinner of my family and when I lost my first job, I was able to cash in all my 401K to pay off bills and stay afloat until I found another job. My husband had to pick up another job and work 7 days a week 70+ hours a week. Between that and the little unemployment that I was getting, we were barely getting by. Then I go the new job, 2 weeks before all my unemployment benefits ran out.
I am going to have to go next week and see what kind of government assistance is available for us. We went from making over $4000 a month to LESS than $1000!!! Our mortgage in more than $1000 a month!!!
We are trying SO hard not to worry and freak out because we know that God will provide for us. But, I guess it is in our human nature to worry. I just try to focus on today and what I am doing today to find a job. I am also trying to spend more time (this time) with my boys. Last time I was unemployment I was on the internet applying for jobs 10-12 hours a day!!! So this time, I am going to set aside a few number of hours each day and then that is it!!
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