I know that I should have always been happy because God has truly blessed me but I truly feel happy and slowly starting to feel like me again. After the rough two years that we have had, both financially and emotionally. God has blessed me with a great job that allows me to work from home and set up my own work schedule. My schedule is flexible to allow me to be home for lunch and able to participate in school functions with the boys.
Hubby and I are getting along much better. The boys are still driving me nuts, but I guess that is just part of it!! :)
Loves of My Life
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Reunions....
Well it is time for my high school reunions. I say reunions because I went to 2 different high schools. I changed high schools the summer before my junior year. I was actually looking forward to it because I was so hopeful that I would have friends that didn't take me for advantage or expect me to be someone that I was not. Well that didn't happen. At my first high school I knew just about everyone there because I had went to elementary or middle school with most of them, but I didn't think of any of them as a REAL friend. Sure, I had people that I hung out with and did things with but no one that was a TRUE friend. Most of the times I got dumped for some boy friend.
When I started the new high school, I really thought that this would give me the opportunity to meet new people and meet people who didn't already have an opinion of me. I am not real sure why I ever fit in. Maybe it was because I always wanted to fit in! I was shy and very insecure growing up (still that way at times) and tried really hard to "make" people like me. And it never seemed to work.
So, I really have no desire to go to any of the reunions. I don't feel that acting like I was friends with all these people is something that I want to do. I had added a bunch of them as "friends" on facebook but after me being the only one keeping the relationship going, I decided to delete them. They aren't my friends and never were. Most of the time on facebook, these people want to be in your business and have no desire to maintain a relationship with you.
I have prayed and cried many nights as a child, teenager, and adult that I had a friend that I could confide in. My husband is my best friend and has always been there but it would be so awesome to have a girlfriend to confide in. I wear my heart on my sleeve and always have. I would do anything and give everything I had to someone that was a friend. I have done it several times and each time was taken advantage of. It always seems like they need me until I need them and then they are nowhere to be found.
Why are people that way??
Why do people only want to have something to do with you when it benefits them?
Why are people so judgmental and think that just because you might not do things the way they do or act like you do then that means that they are better than you?
Why do I allow people to walk all over me??
Why do I put myself into situations where I am the one that ends up getting hurt?
Why do I feel that in order for me to feel good about myself that I have to have people like me??
I am SLOWLY learning that life is what you make of it and that it is too short to worry about what others think about you. You have to do what you feel is right and makes you happy. I have a wonderful family and I love my boys with everything in me. I know that as long as they love me then that is all that matters!!!
When I started the new high school, I really thought that this would give me the opportunity to meet new people and meet people who didn't already have an opinion of me. I am not real sure why I ever fit in. Maybe it was because I always wanted to fit in! I was shy and very insecure growing up (still that way at times) and tried really hard to "make" people like me. And it never seemed to work.
So, I really have no desire to go to any of the reunions. I don't feel that acting like I was friends with all these people is something that I want to do. I had added a bunch of them as "friends" on facebook but after me being the only one keeping the relationship going, I decided to delete them. They aren't my friends and never were. Most of the time on facebook, these people want to be in your business and have no desire to maintain a relationship with you.
I have prayed and cried many nights as a child, teenager, and adult that I had a friend that I could confide in. My husband is my best friend and has always been there but it would be so awesome to have a girlfriend to confide in. I wear my heart on my sleeve and always have. I would do anything and give everything I had to someone that was a friend. I have done it several times and each time was taken advantage of. It always seems like they need me until I need them and then they are nowhere to be found.
Why are people that way??
Why do people only want to have something to do with you when it benefits them?
Why are people so judgmental and think that just because you might not do things the way they do or act like you do then that means that they are better than you?
Why do I allow people to walk all over me??
Why do I put myself into situations where I am the one that ends up getting hurt?
Why do I feel that in order for me to feel good about myself that I have to have people like me??
I am SLOWLY learning that life is what you make of it and that it is too short to worry about what others think about you. You have to do what you feel is right and makes you happy. I have a wonderful family and I love my boys with everything in me. I know that as long as they love me then that is all that matters!!!
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Rules for Holy Living
Colossians 3
Rules for Holy Living
1Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. 2Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 3For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. 4When Christ, who is your[a] life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.
5Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. 6Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.[b] 7You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. 8But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. 9Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices 10and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. 11Here there is no Greek or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.
12Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
15Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 16Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. 17And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
Rules for Holy Living
1Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. 2Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 3For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. 4When Christ, who is your[a] life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.
5Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. 6Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.[b] 7You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. 8But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. 9Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices 10and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. 11Here there is no Greek or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.
12Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
15Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 16Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. 17And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
Redeeming the Time
Redeeming the Time
Ephesians 5:16
6/27/10
“Time is the only thing that cannot be recycled it is because time doesn't come back.”
Ephesians 5:16 making the most of you time, because the days are evil.
-Making the best of every moment
Philippians 3:13 Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead.
-Unhook from the past. Do not feel guilty because it wastes time.
1 Timothy 1:15 IT is a trustworthy statement, deserving full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save simmer, among whom I am foremost of all.
-get rid of past glories, grudges, and grief. Past glories keep us from focusing on today.
-rejoice everyday as we give Him the time.
Matthew 6:34 So, do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
-don’t worry about the future. God commands us to live in the present.
-for today we are called to serve.
1Corinthians 12:9 to another faith by the same Spirit, and to another gifts of healing by the one Spirit.
Psalms 55:22 Cast your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken.
-Spend your time wisely.
-Spend time with the Lord in the morning.
-Accomplish what He wants us to accomplish
Psalms 90:12 So teach us to number our days, that we may present to You a heart of wisdom.
Ephesians 5:18 And do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit.
James 4:17 Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin.
-procrastinating is sin
Proverbs 27:1 Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth.
-We are not guaranteed tomorrow. Today we are to serve the Lord
1Thessolians 5:18 in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made know to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all conphrension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Ephesians 5:20 always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father;
. -always be thankful
Romans 8:28 And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to hose who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
-prioritizing to His standards
-doing what He has called me to do
1. Today is a provided day. God gifted me the day. It is His. We are to be stewards of this day—what is His Will for today.
2. Is this the best? Am I giving Him my all
3. Work in the power of the Holy Spirit. He will work through you and give you the necessary skills to accomplish the task.
4. God is sovereign over this day.
Ephesians 5:16
6/27/10
“Time is the only thing that cannot be recycled it is because time doesn't come back.”
Ephesians 5:16 making the most of you time, because the days are evil.
-Making the best of every moment
Philippians 3:13 Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead.
-Unhook from the past. Do not feel guilty because it wastes time.
1 Timothy 1:15 IT is a trustworthy statement, deserving full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save simmer, among whom I am foremost of all.
-get rid of past glories, grudges, and grief. Past glories keep us from focusing on today.
-rejoice everyday as we give Him the time.
Matthew 6:34 So, do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
-don’t worry about the future. God commands us to live in the present.
-for today we are called to serve.
1Corinthians 12:9 to another faith by the same Spirit, and to another gifts of healing by the one Spirit.
Psalms 55:22 Cast your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken.
-Spend your time wisely.
-Spend time with the Lord in the morning.
-Accomplish what He wants us to accomplish
Psalms 90:12 So teach us to number our days, that we may present to You a heart of wisdom.
Ephesians 5:18 And do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit.
James 4:17 Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin.
-procrastinating is sin
Proverbs 27:1 Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth.
-We are not guaranteed tomorrow. Today we are to serve the Lord
1Thessolians 5:18 in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made know to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all conphrension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Ephesians 5:20 always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father;
. -always be thankful
Romans 8:28 And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to hose who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
-prioritizing to His standards
-doing what He has called me to do
1. Today is a provided day. God gifted me the day. It is His. We are to be stewards of this day—what is His Will for today.
2. Is this the best? Am I giving Him my all
3. Work in the power of the Holy Spirit. He will work through you and give you the necessary skills to accomplish the task.
4. God is sovereign over this day.
I want to love me
Funny how I was never real emotional until I gained all this weight. Funny how I never had any problems with anger, anxiety, or depression until I gained all this weight!!! I don't want to be on medication because that doesn't do anything but make me gain MORE weight!!
I want to LOVE myself!! I want to LOVE my life!! I have so much to live for and be happy for. I have an amazing husband and wonderful children, but do I show them how happy they make me....NO!!! I am a real Beotch to them!! WHY?? Because I am not happy with ME!!! Is that a good reason....NO!!!!! I hate myself!! I hate the way I look!! I hate the way that I treat those that I love the most!!! BUT, I don't know how to control it!!! I don't know how to take the compliments when my husband tells me how beautiful I am. Or when my children tell me that I look like a princess!!! I KNOW that they believe it and feel that way BUT I DON"T!!!!!
I make my husband suffer because I don't like the way I look and I think that he should be just a disgusted about the way I look as I am. I don't think that he should WANT to touch me. I want to stay locked in my house where no one sees me because I feel as though they are looking at me.
I want to LOVE myself!! I want to LOVE my life!! I have so much to live for and be happy for. I have an amazing husband and wonderful children, but do I show them how happy they make me....NO!!! I am a real Beotch to them!! WHY?? Because I am not happy with ME!!! Is that a good reason....NO!!!!! I hate myself!! I hate the way I look!! I hate the way that I treat those that I love the most!!! BUT, I don't know how to control it!!! I don't know how to take the compliments when my husband tells me how beautiful I am. Or when my children tell me that I look like a princess!!! I KNOW that they believe it and feel that way BUT I DON"T!!!!!
I make my husband suffer because I don't like the way I look and I think that he should be just a disgusted about the way I look as I am. I don't think that he should WANT to touch me. I want to stay locked in my house where no one sees me because I feel as though they are looking at me.
Friday, June 25, 2010
ARG!!! Not again!!!
Just when you think that you are going to be ok and things are getting a LITTLE bit better, along comes something and knocks you back down again! I am just SO tired of this and feeling this way. I feel like I have no clue who I am anymore or what I am suppose to be doing. I am stressed and snapping at everyone!
About a month ago, I lost my job. I couldn't believe it. I got back from having a great lunch with my husband and our boys and my boss called me into the conference room. I felt like I was in front of a firing squad. I was 2 weeks away from my 90 days!! I got a bunch of hog-wash for execuses and then was told that since I was in my 90 day probation that they didn't really have to give me a reason! The job was really not a fulltime position because there wasn't enough to do and I guess they knew that too. I think that they wanted someone with some experience to come in and clean up and set up their HR processes and then bring in a less experienced person (much cheaper) to maintain. I also had gotten into it with the IT Manager (owner's son) about the music that was on the server for the employees to access. The music was very degoratory and inappropriate for the workplace.
So I cleaned out my office and went home to explain to my husband, yet again, that I lost me job. See back in September I was fired (for the first time in my HR Career) for telling someone that the company was not a good place to work....lame execuse I know. The owners (which are family) didn't like that I wouldn't do unethical things and that I was pushing them to change things that they didn't want to but were violating department of labor regulations. I was only allowed partial unemployment because the state ruled that my discharge was due to misconduct, so I was only eligible for uemployment benefits for 6 months.
I am the breadwinner of my family and when I lost my first job, I was able to cash in all my 401K to pay off bills and stay afloat until I found another job. My husband had to pick up another job and work 7 days a week 70+ hours a week. Between that and the little unemployment that I was getting, we were barely getting by. Then I go the new job, 2 weeks before all my unemployment benefits ran out.
I am going to have to go next week and see what kind of government assistance is available for us. We went from making over $4000 a month to LESS than $1000!!! Our mortgage in more than $1000 a month!!!
We are trying SO hard not to worry and freak out because we know that God will provide for us. But, I guess it is in our human nature to worry. I just try to focus on today and what I am doing today to find a job. I am also trying to spend more time (this time) with my boys. Last time I was unemployment I was on the internet applying for jobs 10-12 hours a day!!! So this time, I am going to set aside a few number of hours each day and then that is it!!
About a month ago, I lost my job. I couldn't believe it. I got back from having a great lunch with my husband and our boys and my boss called me into the conference room. I felt like I was in front of a firing squad. I was 2 weeks away from my 90 days!! I got a bunch of hog-wash for execuses and then was told that since I was in my 90 day probation that they didn't really have to give me a reason! The job was really not a fulltime position because there wasn't enough to do and I guess they knew that too. I think that they wanted someone with some experience to come in and clean up and set up their HR processes and then bring in a less experienced person (much cheaper) to maintain. I also had gotten into it with the IT Manager (owner's son) about the music that was on the server for the employees to access. The music was very degoratory and inappropriate for the workplace.
So I cleaned out my office and went home to explain to my husband, yet again, that I lost me job. See back in September I was fired (for the first time in my HR Career) for telling someone that the company was not a good place to work....lame execuse I know. The owners (which are family) didn't like that I wouldn't do unethical things and that I was pushing them to change things that they didn't want to but were violating department of labor regulations. I was only allowed partial unemployment because the state ruled that my discharge was due to misconduct, so I was only eligible for uemployment benefits for 6 months.
I am the breadwinner of my family and when I lost my first job, I was able to cash in all my 401K to pay off bills and stay afloat until I found another job. My husband had to pick up another job and work 7 days a week 70+ hours a week. Between that and the little unemployment that I was getting, we were barely getting by. Then I go the new job, 2 weeks before all my unemployment benefits ran out.
I am going to have to go next week and see what kind of government assistance is available for us. We went from making over $4000 a month to LESS than $1000!!! Our mortgage in more than $1000 a month!!!
We are trying SO hard not to worry and freak out because we know that God will provide for us. But, I guess it is in our human nature to worry. I just try to focus on today and what I am doing today to find a job. I am also trying to spend more time (this time) with my boys. Last time I was unemployment I was on the internet applying for jobs 10-12 hours a day!!! So this time, I am going to set aside a few number of hours each day and then that is it!!
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Daily Choices
LET IT REALLY SINK IN - THEN CHOOSE .
John is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!"
He was a natural motivator.
If an employee was having a bad day, John was there telling the employee
how to look on the positive side of the situation.
Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up and asked
him, "I don't get it!
You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"
He replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two
choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or ... you can choose
to be in a bad mood
I choose to be in a good mood."
Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or...I can
choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it.
Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their
complaining or... I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the
positive side of life.
"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested.
"Yes, it is," he said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all
the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to
situations. You choose how people affect your mood.
You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your
choice how you live your life."
I reflected on what he said. Soon hereafter, I left the Tower Industry to
start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I
made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.
Several years later, I heard that he was involved in a serious accident,
falling some 60 feet from a communications tower.
After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, he was released
from the hospital with rods placed in his back.
I saw him about six months after the accident.
When I asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd be
twins....Wanna see my scars?"
I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his
mind as the accident took place.
"The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my
soon-to-be born daughter," he replied. "Then, as I lay on the ground, I
remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or...I could
choose to die. I chose to live."
"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked
He continued, "..the paramedics were great.
They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into
the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I
got really scared. In their eyes, I read 'he's a dead man'. I knew I
needed to take action."
"What did you do?" I asked.
"Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me," said John.
"She asked if I was allergic to anything 'Yes, I replied.' The doctors and
nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath
and yelled, 'Gravity'."
Over their laughter, I told them, "I am choosing to live. Operate on me as
if I am alive, not dead."
He lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his
amazing attitude... I learned from him that every day we have the choice
to live fully.
Attitude, after all, is everything.
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about
itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34.
After all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
You have two choices now:
1 . Delete this
2. Forward it to the people you care about.
You know the choice I made.
John is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!"
He was a natural motivator.
If an employee was having a bad day, John was there telling the employee
how to look on the positive side of the situation.
Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up and asked
him, "I don't get it!
You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"
He replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two
choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or ... you can choose
to be in a bad mood
I choose to be in a good mood."
Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or...I can
choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it.
Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their
complaining or... I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the
positive side of life.
"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested.
"Yes, it is," he said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all
the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to
situations. You choose how people affect your mood.
You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your
choice how you live your life."
I reflected on what he said. Soon hereafter, I left the Tower Industry to
start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I
made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.
Several years later, I heard that he was involved in a serious accident,
falling some 60 feet from a communications tower.
After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, he was released
from the hospital with rods placed in his back.
I saw him about six months after the accident.
When I asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd be
twins....Wanna see my scars?"
I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his
mind as the accident took place.
"The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my
soon-to-be born daughter," he replied. "Then, as I lay on the ground, I
remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or...I could
choose to die. I chose to live."
"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked
He continued, "..the paramedics were great.
They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into
the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I
got really scared. In their eyes, I read 'he's a dead man'. I knew I
needed to take action."
"What did you do?" I asked.
"Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me," said John.
"She asked if I was allergic to anything 'Yes, I replied.' The doctors and
nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath
and yelled, 'Gravity'."
Over their laughter, I told them, "I am choosing to live. Operate on me as
if I am alive, not dead."
He lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his
amazing attitude... I learned from him that every day we have the choice
to live fully.
Attitude, after all, is everything.
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about
itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34.
After all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
You have two choices now:
1 . Delete this
2. Forward it to the people you care about.
You know the choice I made.
Not Alone in this World
"O Lord, how many are my foes! How many rise up against me! Many are saying of me, "God will not deliver him." But you are a shield around me, O Lord; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head. To the Lord I cry alound and he answers me from his holy hill. I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me. I will not fear the tens of thousands drawn up against me on every side. Arise, O Lord! Deliver me, O my God! Strike all my enemies on the jaw; break the teeth of the wicked. From the Lord comes deliverance. May your blessing be on your people." --Psalm 3
I read this piece of scripture this morning before work. It touched me so much that I sent it to 2 of my coworkers. It really made peace come over me and allowed me to not get sucked into the office politics and drama. I know that no matter who is against me nor what they try to do against me, I will always have some more powerful than tens of thousands men!
I read this piece of scripture this morning before work. It touched me so much that I sent it to 2 of my coworkers. It really made peace come over me and allowed me to not get sucked into the office politics and drama. I know that no matter who is against me nor what they try to do against me, I will always have some more powerful than tens of thousands men!
Monday, June 21, 2010
Why do I try...
Why do I try so much to fit in?
Why do I try so much to be part of the clique?
Why do I change the person I am to make people like me?
I don't know, but I know that I am not going to do it anymore! I am ME and if someone doesn't want to be friends with me because of that, it is THEIR loss! No more am I going to put myself in a position to get my feelings hurt because someone doesn't invite me to a dinner or a party. No more am I going to think how I would have reacted if the situation was versed. I am a person with real feelings too and I am not going to force someone to be friends with me. I am going to live for God and ME!!!
Why do I try so much to be part of the clique?
Why do I change the person I am to make people like me?
I don't know, but I know that I am not going to do it anymore! I am ME and if someone doesn't want to be friends with me because of that, it is THEIR loss! No more am I going to put myself in a position to get my feelings hurt because someone doesn't invite me to a dinner or a party. No more am I going to think how I would have reacted if the situation was versed. I am a person with real feelings too and I am not going to force someone to be friends with me. I am going to live for God and ME!!!
??? WHY ???
Why can't I get motivated again?
Why can't I get back into the exercise routine?
Why do I eat the things that I am not suppose too?
Why do I get started the right way and then after a few days I screw it up again?
Why do I feel like I have NO self control?
Why doesn't my husband understand??
Why do I eat compulsively?
Why am I so unhappy with myself and yet, I don't do anything about it?
Why do I buy the foods that are healthy and good for me, yet I don't eat them and them end up going bad?
Why do I have such good intentions but never follow through?
Why don't I care enough about myself to get into shape?
Why don't I care enough about my family to get healthy for them?
Why do I get on my hubby for not taking his blood pressure meds and taking care of his health, when I am not doing it either?
Why am I not scared to death because of all the medical problems that I am exposing myself to by not getting in shape?
Why do I feel so alone in this struggle?
Why can I not stay committed?
Why has it not clicked that I need to loose weight?
Why is my head not helping me?
Why does my mind allow me to eat the foods that my stomach tells me that I don't need?
Why do I eat when I am not hungry?
Why do I not use my treadmill that I had to have?
Why do I not exercise with the videos that I have?
Why do I let food control my life?
Why do I go to the grocery store and buy the bad foods? My kids don't need that junk either.
Why do I eat the snacks that are for my kids?
Why do I hide food from my family?
Why can't I just have one piece or one serving?
Why do I have to eat it all?
Why do I feel so bad after I eat more than I should?
Why do I not care that I hate the way I look in the mirror?
Why do I not care that my clothes are getting too tight?
Why do I not care that my husband deserves a wife that looks better and cares more for herself?
Why does it feel like "me" is lost in all this fat?
Why don't I know what is causing me to self destruct?
Why don't I try harder?
Why don't I want to exercise?
Why don't I want to get into shape?
Why can't I maintain a food journal?
Why do I join a gym and not go?
Why do I make up excuses?
Why don't I care that I can't play with my kids outside without getting tired?
WHY??????????
Why can't I get back into the exercise routine?
Why do I eat the things that I am not suppose too?
Why do I get started the right way and then after a few days I screw it up again?
Why do I feel like I have NO self control?
Why doesn't my husband understand??
Why do I eat compulsively?
Why am I so unhappy with myself and yet, I don't do anything about it?
Why do I buy the foods that are healthy and good for me, yet I don't eat them and them end up going bad?
Why do I have such good intentions but never follow through?
Why don't I care enough about myself to get into shape?
Why don't I care enough about my family to get healthy for them?
Why do I get on my hubby for not taking his blood pressure meds and taking care of his health, when I am not doing it either?
Why am I not scared to death because of all the medical problems that I am exposing myself to by not getting in shape?
Why do I feel so alone in this struggle?
Why can I not stay committed?
Why has it not clicked that I need to loose weight?
Why is my head not helping me?
Why does my mind allow me to eat the foods that my stomach tells me that I don't need?
Why do I eat when I am not hungry?
Why do I not use my treadmill that I had to have?
Why do I not exercise with the videos that I have?
Why do I let food control my life?
Why do I go to the grocery store and buy the bad foods? My kids don't need that junk either.
Why do I eat the snacks that are for my kids?
Why do I hide food from my family?
Why can't I just have one piece or one serving?
Why do I have to eat it all?
Why do I feel so bad after I eat more than I should?
Why do I not care that I hate the way I look in the mirror?
Why do I not care that my clothes are getting too tight?
Why do I not care that my husband deserves a wife that looks better and cares more for herself?
Why does it feel like "me" is lost in all this fat?
Why don't I know what is causing me to self destruct?
Why don't I try harder?
Why don't I want to exercise?
Why don't I want to get into shape?
Why can't I maintain a food journal?
Why do I join a gym and not go?
Why do I make up excuses?
Why don't I care that I can't play with my kids outside without getting tired?
WHY??????????
The Joys of Raising Boys
Please add if you have something not listed!
1. Announces to everyone that they have to go to the bathroom; even in the middle of Walmart.
2. Leaves the seats up
3. Doesn't pay attention to when they are going to the bathroom and gets it all over the floor.
4. Likes to make sure that their "friend" is with them at all times and doesn't mind checking in a very public place.
5. Loves to jump in the mud puddles no matter how many times you tell them NO.
6. Likes to lay in the wet grass and say that they are flying like Superman, in the middle of the ball park!!
7. Will pass gass in public and hollar, "I just pooped air!" and then begin laughing!! (Or worse YOU do it and they annouce, "Mommy you pooped air!")
Disclaimer: Girls probably do a lot of these too but I only have boys so I don't have anything else to compare it too! ;)
1. Announces to everyone that they have to go to the bathroom; even in the middle of Walmart.
2. Leaves the seats up
3. Doesn't pay attention to when they are going to the bathroom and gets it all over the floor.
4. Likes to make sure that their "friend" is with them at all times and doesn't mind checking in a very public place.
5. Loves to jump in the mud puddles no matter how many times you tell them NO.
6. Likes to lay in the wet grass and say that they are flying like Superman, in the middle of the ball park!!
7. Will pass gass in public and hollar, "I just pooped air!" and then begin laughing!! (Or worse YOU do it and they annouce, "Mommy you pooped air!")
Disclaimer: Girls probably do a lot of these too but I only have boys so I don't have anything else to compare it too! ;)
People will always disappoint you, but God will NEVER!!!
One thing that I have finally learned and realized is that you can't put your hopes in people. People will always disappoint you, even the ones that you wouldn't expect too! Just because you have things in common and you are "suppose" to believe and old dear the same values, doesn't necessarily mean that what is important to you is equally as important to others. Just because you think that you would have done something different if the roles where reverse doesn't mean that they think of it that way. Just because you do whatever possible to be there for someone in need doesn't mean that when you are need that they will be there for you. God is truly the only one that is there with you all the time. He never disappoints and never fails you. We are all human and we are all imperfect. We will let people down and we will be let down, but God will NEVER let us down! He is always there for us and He will never disappoint us!!
I have never been the one that was in with the popular crowd, I always wanted to be and would spend many hours crying because I felt like I didn't fit in that there was something wrong with me. Well being a little older and wiser (I guess) and having plenty of disappointment and rejection from people, I truly know now that I was putting all that energy in the wrong place. God loves me and He is always there for me and He will never disappoint me. No matter what I do, I know that I can count on Him. If I have a party or function and no one shows, I know that God is there with me! He will never leave me alone!!! I have had a lot of "friends" come and go in my life, some that have stayed much longer than others but I can't truly say that I have had one person that has not disappointed me, one person that has been there for me when I truly need someone, one person that has not had a hidden agenda; but God is that person. He is that person that truly loves me unconditionally!
I remember how I would try SO hard in school to make friends. I always thought that there was something wrong with me. I had a few friends, but they weren't in the "in" crowd (sorry guys). I knew just about everyone that I went to school with because we all grew up together, but I could count on one hand how many where truly my friends (and thankfully we are still today). I remember when I was a sophmore in high school and my parents told me that we were going to be moving and if I was ok with switching high schools before my junior year. I was SO excited about leaving all the people I knew (though weren't friends with) and starting over to meet new people. I just knew I was going to get a fresh start and this time I was going to be in the "in" crowd.
Well guess what? That didn't happen!!! There were many many nights where I would go the the football games alone, go to the popular after the game hang out and sit in the corner alone, then I would cry all the way home!! Then finally, I just stopped going. My high school days would have to be the worse part of my life, but knowing what I know now, I would not have done it any differently! I just wish I would have realized that God had been waiting there for me the entire time. He would have saved me SO many tears but then I wouldn't be the person that I am today. I wouldn't know how gracious and wonderful He really is.
It was much longer after high school before I finally knew exactly how mighty and yet how loving He truly is. I have always believed in God but I went through the motions. It wasn't until Caden was born that I finally realized how much I need Him and how lost I truly had been! You know, we all take things for granted and it seems that (unfortunately) something bad has to happen before we realize that God is always there and He is ALL that we need. Still today, I do not fit in with the "in" crowd. I am not invited to the parities, dinners, get-togethers, etc., but you know, that's ok because I know that there is nothing wrong with me and if they don't want my company that is ok. They are the ones that are missing out on finding out what type of person I am; how genuine I am, how caring and loving I can be. All I need is for God to know that I am that type of person. I am that type of Christian that He can be proud to call His child!!
I am glad that I realized that my one true best friend has been with me my entire life and is only a pray away!!!
I have never been the one that was in with the popular crowd, I always wanted to be and would spend many hours crying because I felt like I didn't fit in that there was something wrong with me. Well being a little older and wiser (I guess) and having plenty of disappointment and rejection from people, I truly know now that I was putting all that energy in the wrong place. God loves me and He is always there for me and He will never disappoint me. No matter what I do, I know that I can count on Him. If I have a party or function and no one shows, I know that God is there with me! He will never leave me alone!!! I have had a lot of "friends" come and go in my life, some that have stayed much longer than others but I can't truly say that I have had one person that has not disappointed me, one person that has been there for me when I truly need someone, one person that has not had a hidden agenda; but God is that person. He is that person that truly loves me unconditionally!
I remember how I would try SO hard in school to make friends. I always thought that there was something wrong with me. I had a few friends, but they weren't in the "in" crowd (sorry guys). I knew just about everyone that I went to school with because we all grew up together, but I could count on one hand how many where truly my friends (and thankfully we are still today). I remember when I was a sophmore in high school and my parents told me that we were going to be moving and if I was ok with switching high schools before my junior year. I was SO excited about leaving all the people I knew (though weren't friends with) and starting over to meet new people. I just knew I was going to get a fresh start and this time I was going to be in the "in" crowd.
Well guess what? That didn't happen!!! There were many many nights where I would go the the football games alone, go to the popular after the game hang out and sit in the corner alone, then I would cry all the way home!! Then finally, I just stopped going. My high school days would have to be the worse part of my life, but knowing what I know now, I would not have done it any differently! I just wish I would have realized that God had been waiting there for me the entire time. He would have saved me SO many tears but then I wouldn't be the person that I am today. I wouldn't know how gracious and wonderful He really is.
It was much longer after high school before I finally knew exactly how mighty and yet how loving He truly is. I have always believed in God but I went through the motions. It wasn't until Caden was born that I finally realized how much I need Him and how lost I truly had been! You know, we all take things for granted and it seems that (unfortunately) something bad has to happen before we realize that God is always there and He is ALL that we need. Still today, I do not fit in with the "in" crowd. I am not invited to the parities, dinners, get-togethers, etc., but you know, that's ok because I know that there is nothing wrong with me and if they don't want my company that is ok. They are the ones that are missing out on finding out what type of person I am; how genuine I am, how caring and loving I can be. All I need is for God to know that I am that type of person. I am that type of Christian that He can be proud to call His child!!
I am glad that I realized that my one true best friend has been with me my entire life and is only a pray away!!!
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