Well it is time for my high school reunions. I say reunions because I went to 2 different high schools. I changed high schools the summer before my junior year. I was actually looking forward to it because I was so hopeful that I would have friends that didn't take me for advantage or expect me to be someone that I was not. Well that didn't happen. At my first high school I knew just about everyone there because I had went to elementary or middle school with most of them, but I didn't think of any of them as a REAL friend. Sure, I had people that I hung out with and did things with but no one that was a TRUE friend. Most of the times I got dumped for some boy friend.
When I started the new high school, I really thought that this would give me the opportunity to meet new people and meet people who didn't already have an opinion of me. I am not real sure why I ever fit in. Maybe it was because I always wanted to fit in! I was shy and very insecure growing up (still that way at times) and tried really hard to "make" people like me. And it never seemed to work.
So, I really have no desire to go to any of the reunions. I don't feel that acting like I was friends with all these people is something that I want to do. I had added a bunch of them as "friends" on facebook but after me being the only one keeping the relationship going, I decided to delete them. They aren't my friends and never were. Most of the time on facebook, these people want to be in your business and have no desire to maintain a relationship with you.
I have prayed and cried many nights as a child, teenager, and adult that I had a friend that I could confide in. My husband is my best friend and has always been there but it would be so awesome to have a girlfriend to confide in. I wear my heart on my sleeve and always have. I would do anything and give everything I had to someone that was a friend. I have done it several times and each time was taken advantage of. It always seems like they need me until I need them and then they are nowhere to be found.
Why are people that way??
Why do people only want to have something to do with you when it benefits them?
Why are people so judgmental and think that just because you might not do things the way they do or act like you do then that means that they are better than you?
Why do I allow people to walk all over me??
Why do I put myself into situations where I am the one that ends up getting hurt?
Why do I feel that in order for me to feel good about myself that I have to have people like me??
I am SLOWLY learning that life is what you make of it and that it is too short to worry about what others think about you. You have to do what you feel is right and makes you happy. I have a wonderful family and I love my boys with everything in me. I know that as long as they love me then that is all that matters!!!
